This morning I woke up very excited to get started with my day. And as promised I took pictures of myself and did my first weigh in. Let me first say how hard it is to take a full body picture of myself. I’ve become the master of camera angles and half body shots to fool myself into believing I’m not gaining weight. The pictures really knocked me into reality. And even as embarrassing as they are, I feel it’s absolutely necessary to post them. I could sit here and type all day about the great changes I’m making, but without actually showing my progress, it’s all a bunch of smoke and mirrors.
Today started off good. Got myself and Cameron ready for school. And got out the door on time. I’m currently taking an antibiotic to clear up a major acne outbreak and if I don’t eat something substantial it makes me very ill. Normally I would eat some sort of fast food item for breakfast. Obviously I don’t want to do that anymore, so I went with a Special K 90 calorie breakfast bar. Everything was fine, I dropped Cameron off and was on my way to campus when I started to feel very sick to my stomach. My first thought was “just drive through McDonald’s and get a hash brown and soda to put something in your stomach”. I drove into the parking lot and just sat there having an internal battle between the need to make myself feel better and the reality of actually losing this weight. I spent about 5 minutes talking to myself, trying to justify having a hashbrown to purely ease my stomach and I would go on with my day as if I didn’t have it. Finally I realized that the whole reason I got this size was due to my pretending that it’s no big deal if I have a hash brown now and then… or a soda… or a cheeseburger… when does it stop? It stopped today! I quickly drove back home to rest instead of using food to try and fix things. And although I ended up throwing up and missing my class because of not eating a smarter breakfast… I felt very proud I didn’t give in.
I now know that I must eat an actual breakfast with my medication. I have some tough times ahead. I have a serious addiction to soda, mainly Dr. Pepper. And for some reason it seems to be my gateway drug. When I don’t drink it on a regular basis my eating habits are much better. But as soon as I get on the soda train everything else goes to hell. And to not give in to that temptation this morning was a big step for me.
I plan on doing some excercise this evening. I have a dvd called the 30 day crunch with Jillian from The Biggest Loser. I’ve used it before, it’s just hard to do because I don’t have a dvd player in my room and have to use my sons in his room. But there’s no excuses. I will do this! And hopefully it will inspire some of you to do it with me!
My starting weight : 159.5 lbs.
Every thursday I will update my weight. I’ve put my Tweets on the blog so I can give quick update on how I’m doing throughout the day. Thanks for stopping by!