Well geeze ya’ll,
What a crazy week/weekend it’s been. I went totally off the wagon. Between emotional break downs, illness and my birthday party I just couldn’t resist temptation.
I have to tell the truth to you guys, because what kind of example would I be showing if I just blew smoke up your…
Sure I could come on here talk about how I’m excercising every day, eating all the right foods, drinking plenty of water… but how would that help anyone. By being honest with you and myself, I hope it will ease the guilt of others who struggle with weight loss and getting healthy.
I had a week of not caring about what went in my mouth. If I wanted it, I ate it and there was no guilt that came with it. I enjoyed every Dr. Pepper, french fry and that third bowl of frosted flakes. I went on a total binge! Fast food, desserts, my son’s food that he didn’t finish… nothing was off limits… or safe for that matter.
My parents threw me a 30th birthday bash on Saturday and I had been dreading it all week. Not because I’m turning 30, but because I hate parties held in my honor. I have a horrible track record with them going as far back as I can remember. One of my earliest birthday memories was having “friends” that made fun of me at my own birthday party when I was in elementary school. The year of the big bay area earthquake no one showed up and just a couple years ago I planned a girl’s weekend at a bass lake cabin, everyone cancelled the day before except for one. The only good birthdays I’ve had were ones when it was just me and my parents and last year when it was just me and Ed. I get a lot of anxiety with these parties. The anticipation of who is going to come, who’s not going to come and who will actually show up. This party was no different. I had a lot of no’s (which I don’t mind, we live in Fresno and most of the people invited live in other cities), a fair amount of yes’ (mostly family and very close family friends) and surprisingly I had a lot of friends and family that completely ignore the invite all together. We sent out about 60 invites, had about 34 confirmed guests coming, and about half actually showed up. I’m the type that takes it very personal and it’s why I didn’t really want a party in the first place.
Those that did come, or made a valiant effort to be there and couldn’t… I truly appreciated and was overwhelmed by their thoughtfulness and generosity. I was truly touched. And all in all it was a lovely day. Real home cooked mexican food, lard and all was consumed like it was my last meal. I had several margaritas which were excellent in the heat and the cake my mother made was spectacular! A cake made to look like a purse falling onto a regular cake with edible items from the purse made to look like they had spilled all over the real cake. It was a lemon cake with lemon curd and cream cheese frosting. OMG! Thankfully it was almost totally consumed by the end of the party otherwise it would be my breakfast and dessert for the next week. In the end I had a wonderful time, and I think everyone who came did also.
The next morning my father got us up to go to Ihop. Still with the woes of friendships and the absence of Ed weighing heavy on my heart I went with a Danish crepe filled with cheese and cherry pie filling. I decided to treat Cameron and myself to a movie later that day. We saw Where the Wild Things Are. Cameron was nice enough to share a small popcorn with me (no extra butter…like that makes it so much better… lol). I promised him I would take him to class=”mceItemHidden”> the neighboring candy shop and get him something, and of course I had to get something for myself! I went with Idaho’s favorite candy bar, and mine, the Idaho Spud. marshmallow filling, covered in chocolate and sprinkled with coconut.
I was given a significant amount in birthday money and gift cards at my party and after weighing my options on what to do with the money I decided to purchase myself a Wii gaming system with the new Wii Fit Plus. I am so excited! I can’t wait to get it set up and start using it. I’m really hoping this will put some motivation back into me. After seeing my disgusting double chin in most of my birthday party pictures, I need something to get me back on track. I usually buy myself a little something nice for my birthday and this is probably the biggest purchase I’ve every made for myself. I’m sure I will have buyers remorse a little later, but right now I just want to go home and try it out!
There is no good excuse for letting go of my goal, but the goal has not changed and I will not give up.
Thanks for stopping by!